Ironbead's Conquerors has a proud history stretching over two millennia... but it's pretty much meaningless now, given the team's six year absence from the league.
Starting from scratch, the Conquerors are looking forward to carving out a NEW history, one that can be read easily on the faces and bodies of their mangled opponents.
Bulletin board from the coach
Feb. 7th, 2010 - old news
Strength In Purity
Eschewing the temptations of Chaos, blitzer Rew has once again reached new heights of physical power by accepting his second strength increase.
... aaaaawww yeeeeaaaaah!!
- doobleg
June 22nd, 2009 - old news
Clean Sweep For Conquerors
The Dungeonbowl grand final was to be more than just a rematch between the necromantic Coffin Cheaters and the dwarves of Ironbeard's Conquerors - both teams had bigger goals in mind.
League leader in casualties, the Cheaters had their eye on the season record set by the Wreckers last year. The Conquerors, having won all of their previous games, sought to be the first team in Brawl history to close out a season undefeated.
Pre-match, both coaches assessed their opposition. Realising dwarven runner L'Ogan would form a significant part of the Conquerors' offensive strategy, Cheaters coach DarthProphet hired a wizard to shut him down. Aware that the Cheaters would be out for blood, the Conquerors hired on additional medical staff prior to the game, as well as their own wizard and a troupe of Halfling Chefs.
Taking to the field in a defensive formation, the dwarves steeled themselves for the necromantic onslaught that was to come. The kick-off saw the dwarves get a jump on their undead rivals, and they immediately blitzed into the opposing half. The Cheaters rallied and set about knocking down whosoever they could reach, but were unable to put any of the Conquerors' players away.
It then became apparent that DarthProphet had his eyes set firmly on the horizon, encouraging his players to obtain star player points by passing the ball behind the line of scrimmage. This was to prove costly, the inexperience of rookie werewolf Were B Ball forcing the use of two re-rolls in the first two turns and causing a turnover that placed the ball in jeopardy.
The Conquerors capitalized, courageously careening across concrete and cantankerous Cheaters alike to create a concentration of creatures and cadavers – a cacophonous commotion, to say the least.
Half of the players remaining on the field were now embroiled in a fierce melee on the Cheaters' side of the line. Suddenly the ball popped loose, and so intense was the contest that neither teams' players could grab it – flesh golem Stitch Neckbreaker alone fumbled three chances. Finally the ball settled and L'Ogan grabbed it, making a bee-line for the end zone.
ZZZZZAP!!! L'Ogan was struck down by a well-timed lightning bolt from the Cheaters' wizard. Although the attack failed to cause any lasting injury, it rattled the runner and, upon regaining his feet, he was unable to regain the ball.
In swooped Carrion Lunch, spiriting the ball away from the end zone, but he moved one step too many and, with a cry of pain, hit the deck hard. L'Ogan recovered the lost ball and handed it off to trollslayer Rusty who ran in the score, mere seconds ahead of the half time whistle.
The halfling chefs saw the dwarves enter the second half well fed, and with two additional Cheaters rerolls in their pocket. It seems likely that one of the contented Conquerors let slip their offensive plans, as the necromantic defense shuffled into a new formation while the ball hung in the air. Mobbing up to the dwarves' front line was less effective than perhaps hoped, and the subsequent drive was textbook Conquerors, with few surprises save for the slaying of star blitzer Rew – but for the timely intervention of a hired apothecary the Cheaters would have welcomed a new zombie onto their team. Despite the near-miss, L'Ogan scored the second, and possibly deciding touchdown.
Both teams benefited from the enthusiasm of the crowd as the next drive started. The Conquerors attempted to break the Cheaters' right flank, but the undead counter-attacked and drove a wedge through the left. Sensing an opportunity, the Conquerors wizard hireling dropped a fireball that enveloped five opposing players. When the flame and smoke cleared... all five were still standing. By now star werewolf Were Fore had dwarf runner Groficus backed against the wall and, encouraged by the seeming invulnerability of his teammates, threw a block that somehow resulted in his own incapacitation.
The time was now! Trollslayer 'Big Guy' took down the necro ball carrier and, encouraged by his OWN seeming invulnerability, Groficus scooped up the ball and made for the end zone. Cheaters star hitter Sowin Tgethr made a play for the runner but the effort proved too much, and Groficus, leaving the fleshy pile far behind him, ran in the touchdown.
This sent the crowd into a riotous frenzy, forcing the referee to turn back the game clock. The Cheaters tried to make this time count, repeatedly pounding the sparse dwarven front line, but they were unable to cause any further injuries.
The final whistle blew, heralding not only the end of the match and the Conquerors' claiming of the Dungeonbowl, but also the realisation of Ironbeard's dream of an undefeated season.
Celebrations kicked off immediately, the halfling chefs having brought enough alcohol to see the team and their thousands of attending fans drinking well into the night.
When asked if his team would return next season, Ironbeard finished his ale, reached for another, and laughed. 'Ask me again in six months – the boys might be almost sober by then.'
doobleg
- doobleg
Feb. 10th, 2009 - old news
The Harder They Fall
As not one, but TWO linemen went crashing to the ground at the start of the Conquerors' round 4 match against the Orcland Giants, coach Ironbeard was heard to remark:
'PPPFFFFFFFTTTTTT!!!!'
(This, the sound of ale being spat out in surprise)
Hades was the lucky one, stretchered off with a broken neck; Steve, however, required only a bucket and a stout funnel to leave the field.
The Giants continued their drive with less severe, but no less effective blocks that left half the remaining dwarves on their backs, clutching their heads in pain. Despite a mid-drive sacking that led to a potential Conqueror upset, the orc team got back and recovered the ball, securing a touchdown in the half's dying seconds. Tempers in the stands had reached fever pitch at this point, and a riot broke out between the loyal fans of both teams.
Their spirits lifted by this patriotic display, the Conquerors came out fighting in the second half. A lightning drive down the right flank proved too fast for the orcs, their defense scrambling for position but unable to prevent the leveling score.
With casualties mounting up, both teams now had nine players take the field for the final drive. Two sacking attempts met failure, and the Giants carried the ball to within six squares of the Conquerors' end zone until disaster! Desperate to distance himself from the opposition, the orc ball carrier stretched too far, his non-fatal impact with the ground jarring the ball loose from his grasp.
Seizing the initiative, dwarf runner Groficus swooped in and set himself up to THROW the ball to his downfield counterpart, L'Ogan. Naturally, this surprise move wasn't in coach Ironbeard's classic dwarven playbook...
'PPPFFFFFFFTTTTTT!!!!'
By the grace of whatever god it is that dwarves pray to the throw was GOOD, and L'Ogan was set to score. The orcs tried to rally in defense, but the sudden shift in play confused the Giant's troll Punchmoggy, and several dwarf linemen were able to break through the mid-field scrimmage to deny access to their star runner. With an obscure referential cry of 'Glory to the Room!!!', L'Ogan went for the end-zone and YES!!, scored the deciding touch-down mere seconds ahead of the full-time siren.
And so, the Conquerors find themselves the victor once again. This was their hardest fought win to date, giving them a healthy respect for the strength and resilience of their orcish opponents, as well as the leadership qualities displayed by the Giants' head coach.
Due to overwhelming demand, ale-proof slickers will be provided to all journalists covering the Conquerors' coaching box in future matches.
doobleg
- doobleg
Feb. 5th, 2009 - old news
Conquerors set to stop round 5 opponents
... whomever that is. To be honest, we're really not paying attention.
